Teaching Manners

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying,

"All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause were going down the tracks." The horrified mother went in & told her son,

"We dont use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out,you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say,

"All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen."

Why Microsoft shouldn't make cars

At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments/General Motors issued a press release stating the following: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart;in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT.' Then you would have to buymore seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that's powered by the sun, more reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car fault' warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same butt size.

9. The airbag system would say 'Are you sure?' before going off.

10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps, even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the 'Start' button to shut off the engine.

Just a joke

This guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender says, " Hey, I have a horse upstairs. If you can make him laugh, I'll give you 100$. "The man walks upstairs.

Five minutes later, the bartender comes up and sees the horse laughing extremely hard.The bartender hands him the 100$ and ponders how he did this.

The same man comes back a month later and orders a drink.The bartender says, " Hey, I have a horse upstairs. If you can make him cry, I'll give you 100$. "

The man walks upstairs. Five minutes later, the bartender comes up and sees the horse crying like a baby.

The bartender, staring in awe, asks the man, " First you made him laugh, now you made him cry! How'd you do it? "The man simply replies,

" First I said I had a bigger dick than him, then I showed it to him. "

Ancient Chinese Saying

人之初 : At the beginning of life.
性本善 : Sex is good.
性相近 : Basically, all the sex are the same.
習相遠 : But it depends on how the way you do it.
苟不教 : If you do not practice all the time.
性乃遷 : Sex will leave you..
教之道 : The way of learning it
貴以專 : is very important to make love with only one person.
昔孟母 : Once a great mother, Mrs Meng
擇鄰處 : chose her neighbour to avoid bad sex influence.
子不學 : If you don’t study hard,
斷機杼 : your Dick will become useless.
竇燕山 : Dou, the Famous
有義方 : owned a very effective excitiing medicine
教五子 : All his five sons took it
名俱揚 : and their sexual ability were well-known.
養不教 : If the children don’t know how to do it,
父之過 : It’s all the parent's fault.
教不嚴 : If they had lots of problems with it,
師之惰 : their teacher must be too lazy to tell them details on sex.
子不學 : You may refuse to study this
非所宜 : but that is a real mistake
幼不學 : If you don’t learn it in childhood,
老何學 : you will lose your ability when aged.
玉不琢 : If you don’t exercise your dick,
不成器 : It won’t become hard and strong.
人不學 : If you don’t learn sex,
不知義 : you can by no means enjoy its sweetness.